Sunday, October 28, 2007

I am in awe of Your Grace

Tomorrow I start classes, labs. exams again. Ready to move on but I just so grateful and In awe of God's grace and mercy. I suck at describing things in words so like usual I came across a song that has can translate my thoughts, song written by Switchfoot called the "Economy of Mercy."

There's just two ways to lose yourself in this life
And neither way is safe
In my dreams I see visions of the future
But today we have today
And where will I find You?

In the economy of mercy
I am a poor and begging man
In the currency of Grace
Is where my song begins
In the colors of Your goodness
In the scars that mark your skin
In the currency of Grace
Is where my song begins

These carbon shells
These fragile dusty frames
House canvases of souls
We are bruised and broken masterpieces
But we did not paint ourselves
And where will I find You?

In the economy of mercy
I am a poor and begging man
In the currency of Grace
Is where my song begins
In the colors of Your goodness
In the scars that mark your skin
In the currency of Grace
Is where my song begins

Where was I when the world was made?
Where was I?

I'm lost without You here
Yes, I'm lost without You near me
I'm lost without You here
You knew my name when the world was made

-Lloyd

Thursday, October 25, 2007

My State of Mind

There is a song written by Lifehouse (Christian Band) called "Broken." I guess the song encompasses my confusions, my pain, the uncertainty, questions of faith. What I like about the song the most that it deals with questions of faith when wrestles with some sought of trauma. The main point of the song, no matter the pain, the trauma as a christian you find "meaning" in your suffering (Romans 8:28). Holding onto God's word: "And I'm hanging on, to the words you say/You said that I will, will be okay," that is what going to get you though. Exercising your dependence on God, allowing Him to dictate things, that is what makes whatever the situation is, "okay." You may feel "lost" at present but you will find your "way back home."


The Broken clock is a comfort
It helps me sleep tonight
Maybe it can stop tomorrow
From steeling all my time
And I am here still waiting
Though I still have my doubts
I am damaged at best
Like you've already figured out

I'm falling apart
I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart
That's still beating
In the pain
There is healing
In your name
I find meaning
So I'm holding on (I'm holdin on)(I'm holdin on)
I'm barely holding on to you

The broken locks were a warning
You got inside my head
I tried my best to be guarded
I'm an open book instead
And I still see your reflection
Inside of my eyes
That are looking for purpose
They're still looking for life

I'm falling apart
I'm barely breathing


With a broken heart
That's still breating
In the pain (In the pain)
Is there healing
In your name
I find meaning
So I'm holding on (I'm still holdin on)(I'm holdin on)
(I'm still holdin on) (I'm holdin on)
I'm barely holding on to you

I'm hanging on another day
Just to see what, you will throw my way
And I'm hanging on, to the words you say
You said that I will, will be okay
The broken light on the freeway
Left me here alone
I may have lost my way now
But I haven't forgotten my way home

I'm falling apart
I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart
That's still beating
In the pain (In the pain)
There is healing
In your name (In your name)
I find meaning
So I'm holding on (I'm still holdin')(I'm holdin' on)(I'm still holdin') (I'm holdin' on) (I'm still holdin')
Barely holding on to you (I'm still holdin on)
Barely holdin on to you

-Lloyd

Time to Close the Book on this Episode

Today has been my "first day" back at University. Its been weird, but at this stage-for me anyway it is about getting back into a routine again. I'm very grateful that my lecturers have given me a break, in terms of writing exams, coming to class, going to labs etc. Everyday is getting better, slowly but surely. By Monday, I should be back to "normal," whatever the word normal means. The insurance company sent photo's of the vehicle today. I've seen the wreck, and I think it is time that I move on. Thank you God that I'm still alive, it was truly a miracle, that deserves your praises to be sung.


-Lloyd

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Dealing with Reality-Part 3

A strategy to overcome trauma, the manual "Self Confrontation," to summarize: Do not look back at but move forward.

Paul reminds us in Philippians, that it is not enough just to look back but to move forward.

Philippians 4:12-13, "Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."

Lastly, "speak of the goodness of the Lord and the recent difference He has made in your life."

Collosians 4:6, "Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone."


Things to consider. Just two days ago I "should have been killed in a vehicle accident." In no way did I intend to endorse this book more than the Word of God. I am still feeling the after effects of the accident but in working through this manual, I realized two things.

The importance of God's word and that his Word is timeless. There were many sound biblical references to various points. I shared a couple that were relevant to my situation. Firstly to deal with this trauma by speaking about it. Secondly, to testify of God's grace He has lavished upon us. Lastly, to serve as an encouragement to you in lieu of my situation. I cannot express in words how grateful I am to God, for giving me a second chance at life. This car collision was nothing short of a miracle.

-Lloyd

Dealing with Reality-Part 2

The second idea that highlighted my attention in "Self Confrontation" is the "powerful love of Jesus Christ that disarms fear."

I love this point so much that I'm copying out verbatim: "Christ's love empowers you to be an overwhelming conqueror is any situation of life (Romans 8:35-39), as you exercise your faith in and through Him (1 John 5:4-5)."

Romans 8:35-39, "Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written: 'For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.'No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

1 John 5:4-5, "for everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith. Who is it that overcomes the world? Only he who believes that Jesus is the Son of God."

Lastly, "Perfect love casts out fear."

1 John 4:18, There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment."

I cannot begin to grasp the depth of God's love. He sent Jesus to die for you and for me. What do I have fear? Nothing., except to echo Chris Tomlin's song, "How Great is Our God."

"How Great is Our God, sing with me how Great is our God!"

-Lloyd

Monday, October 22, 2007

Dealing with Reality-Part 1

So how do I deal with the trauma of a horrific accident? One thing for sure, I should have been killed! Having replays being played out on the road when my parents are driving, when I'm sleeping? After feeling the pain of bruised kidney, blood in urine for the next couple of days, sore right ankle, what's next? Constant pain? My year in perspective: the hospital has been "home" more often than not. I must be so close to being granted VIP status. Is there any hope for me. I can say yes, yes, yes!!! Let me explain:

Since returning home (Sunday evening), I have been reading a book, "Self Confrontation" developed by John C. Broger. An idea presented in the book about anxiety/worry caused by events, have been immensely helpful.

First response to these circumstances of life is: Fear God!
The result of fearing God can bring salvation, wisdom and knowledge etc but reason number 7 stood out for me the most: "that fearing God demonstrates His goodness and loving kindness towards me."

Psalm 103:13, "As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him."

Seeing my life change in a matter of seconds while behind a wheel of a car, really sought of shook me. It also reminded me of mine mortality, but I have do not have to fear death. Jesus rose from the dead!

Romans 6:5-7, "If we have been united with him like this in his death, we will certainly also be united with him in his resurrection. For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin because anyone who has died has been freed from sin."

Lastly,it was hard for me to forgot about a person called Job. His life was changed in a matter of seconds. Fearing God can invoke gratitude about the countless blessings He has provided for you and for me. The bible's description of Job, "blameless,upright; he feared God and shunned evil." It is not hard to see why Job was described as a righteous man. When disaster, knocked on his front door, Job 1:20-22:

"At this, Job got up and tore his robe and shaved his head. Then he fell to the ground in worship and said: Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I will depart. The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; may the name of the LORD be praised."

Disasters happen all the time. After the head on collision took place, once I figured I was alive ( I thought at the point of impact I'm dead)! I immediately thanked God. It was only afterwards, when I left the vehicle in pain, shocked and in bewilderment did I truly appreciate the magnitude of this miracle, God spared me. Most people die in head on collisions. Usually, both parties concerned, but in my case no fatalities, just minor injuries!

My question, Do I Lloyd praise God enough? I can say yes when in suffering or disasters. Humbly I'm compelled to say no. What about the good times? C.S. Lewis said, "God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world." I need to fear Him and praise Him, everyday.

-Lloyd

Sunday, October 21, 2007

A Day of Two Halves-Part 2

Thank God, I am still alive. I mean literally thank God. I was involved in serious head on car collision that should have left me as good as dead. The vehicle is a complete write off. The moment, my parents van was hit, I thought was dead. This was it!

I'm still in shock and shaken. The accident is constantly being replayed in my mind, over and over. The more, and more the accident is being replayed in my mind, the more and more I continue to think of God's grace. I escaped with a bruised kidney, how I survived, there is no other explanation. The people of the vehicle were in shock but I understand and witnessed them doing okay, the paramedic also confirmed this fact . They overcame no serious injuries. Again I say, Thank God.

This event is a miracle and testament to God's grace. You always hear about peoples' stories of close death experiences, never thinking that one day, it can be you. Your life can change in a matter of seconds. Again all I can add is, thank God. I'm not scared of dying because I share in hope of the resurrection of Jesus. God has given me a second chance. Thank Him.

-Lloyd

A Day of Two Halves-Part 1

Nkosi Sikela iAfrica



World Cup Champions 07. Yeah come on. Brings Back memories for me of World Cup 95 as a kid in South Africa. I shed a few tears when I saw the cup was lifted. You can take me out of South Africa but you can't take South Africa out of me. My blood is Green.

-Lloyd