Self Doubt is Driving my Angst!

Rough, rough week. Whirlwind of emotions experienced in a space of three days. Never imagined that my acute general anxiety appeared this daunting. Its as if I could quote the Psalmist verbatum, "My soul is weary with sorrow...(Psalm 119:28)."

I have learned valuable lessons this week. His mercies are fresh and are "new every morning (Lam 3:22-23)." Upon reading Oswald Chambers devotional on Matt 5:3,

"The bedrock in Jesus Christ's kingdom is poverty, not possession; not decisions for Jesus Christ, but a sense of absolute futility - I cannot begin to do it. Then Jesus says - Blessed are you. That is the entrance, and it does take us a long while to believe we are poor! The knowledge of our own poverty brings us to the moral frontier where Jesus Christ works."

Broken , I must come to Jesus. His invitation spoke to me so loudly. "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light (Matt 11:28-30)."It is here in in this place that I'll begin to learn, trust, discover and experience the strength and work of my Saviour. Jesus did not end his obligation to me on the cross. He did something far greater than that. He put Himself in me. Becoming my righteousness (1 Cor 1:30).

Finally I must look to His Word! Psalm 119:28; "strengthen me according to your word." For this will be my comfort. "Remember your word to your servant, for you have given me hope. My comfort in my suffering is this:Your promise preserves my life (Psalm 119:49-50)."

Hearing the opening lines of the poem, At the Gate of the Man of the Year by Minnie Louise Harkins:

" I said to the man who stood at the gate of the year; 'Give me a light that I may tread safely into the unknown.' And he replied,'Go into the darkness and put your hand into the hand of God; That shall be to you better than light and safer than a known way!' " Buried in a deep dark place I am reminded to trust God to guide my path.

"Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path... I have suffered much; preserve my life, O LORD, according to your word (Psalm 119:105,107)." I pray.

-Lloyd