How Great is God's Providence?

Something remarkable happened today and all I see in this event is the providence of God. In fact I even doubt I will tell people what happened. I will simply boast in the Lord. For none of these things would have been made possible if it weren't for His grace. Undeserved providence.

In Paul's words:

"I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has given me strength, that he considered me faithful, appointing me to his service. Even though I was once a blasphemer and a persecutor and a violent man, I was shown mercy because I acted in ignorance and unbelief. The grace of our Lord was poured out on me abundantly, along with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus.

Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on him and receive eternal life. Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory for ever and ever. Amen." (1 Tim 1:12-17)

-Lloyd

Discovering the Beauty of Grace

Grace. God's unmerited and undeserved favor. My school chaplain, back in the days of my schooling at Bishops in South Africa he used to say when speaking of grace: "Nothing I do more will God love me less. Nothing I do less, will God love me more."

Paul, in Romans 11:6 speaking of the remnant of Israel had this to say:

"And if by grace, then it is no longer by works; if it were, grace would no longer be grace."



Despite the many mistakes, regrets, God has worked in all these and I'm in absolute awe. The many mercies that were displayed inspite of those mistakes. Just standing in amazement how He worked things out. Six weeks ago I was beyond despair. After hearing a sermon in the book of Jeremiah, a timely reminder of the Potter's freedom. The throwing myself unto His Sovereignty battered torn and I have learnt since then of His never ending mercies. Instead asking why. I prayed keep me under as long as you desire and teach me what You will. Though I may never be able to fathom His purpose or His ways. I cannot describe the change inside of me apart from His grace.

-Lloyd

Learning and Moving Forward Slowly

I haven't had over the course of a couple months been able to actually sit down and read. Thankfully with a handy iPod Touch I've been able to start reading John Piper's book, Desiring God on bus of all places on the way to school. The central thrust of the book is to seek joy and to find pleasure in God by virtue of who He is. Piper's classic phrase, "God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in him."

He starts the book by quoting the first point of the westminster confessions. "The chief end of man is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever."

As I'm learning to be utterly reliant on God, to seek all joy and forfillment in Him. I'm beggining to see the insecurities of my heart beggining to fade away. Learning to take refuge in God's Sovereingty and be consumed by His Being. I cannot remember a day in the summer when I have been so excited to be at university. Which happens to be the very source of my anxiety. The worries that usually dominant the start of my day looked periphal as I could take delight in the fact that, "This is the day the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it."

I'm learning, moving slowly. The anxiety is there. I feel it physically but by the mercies that God has afforded me I'm starting to discover the invitation of Jesus for the weary and finding my comfort and security in God. So, I'm starting to thirst like the psalmist; "As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O God. (Psalm 42:1)."

-Lloyd

Knowing a Little Means Alot

Job despite his physical and emotional toil being compounded with the folly of his three freinds (Job 19:1-23)could say this:

"I know that my Redeemer lives, and that in the end he will stand upon the earth. And after my skin has been destroyed, yet in my flesh I will see God; I myself will see him with my own eyes—I, and not another. How my heart yearns within me (Job 19:25-27)!"

For the first time today in last 3 weeks in working through my anxiety it feels as if the dark cloud hanging over my head is beggining to move. This comes after days following and before last Wednesday of outright despair and turmoil. Thats not to say that I'm now all of a sudden out of the clear. God sent me a timely reminder of an old chorus I used to sing as a kid at church:

"Because He lives, I can face tomorrow.Because He lives, All fear is gone.Because I know He holds the future, And life is worth the living just because He lives."

"I know that my Redeemer lives..." is reason enough I can face what may come my way. I don't know what tomorrow will bring nor should I. I don't know how long it will take until this inner turmoil will continue. The fact that "my Redeemer lives" not only gives me hope but reason to rejoice.

Towards the end of the book of Job, Job never asks God why but repents for speaking out of turn. Yet before repenting he says the most incredible thing: "Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know."

The things I don't know (the why, the how long, the therefores) has been the biggest comfort to my troubled soul. "Because I know he holds the future, And life is worth the living just because He lives."

-Lloyd

Self Doubt is Driving my Angst!

Rough, rough week. Whirlwind of emotions experienced in a space of three days. Never imagined that my acute general anxiety appeared this daunting. Its as if I could quote the Psalmist verbatum, "My soul is weary with sorrow...(Psalm 119:28)."

I have learned valuable lessons this week. His mercies are fresh and are "new every morning (Lam 3:22-23)." Upon reading Oswald Chambers devotional on Matt 5:3,

"The bedrock in Jesus Christ's kingdom is poverty, not possession; not decisions for Jesus Christ, but a sense of absolute futility - I cannot begin to do it. Then Jesus says - Blessed are you. That is the entrance, and it does take us a long while to believe we are poor! The knowledge of our own poverty brings us to the moral frontier where Jesus Christ works."

Broken , I must come to Jesus. His invitation spoke to me so loudly. "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light (Matt 11:28-30)."It is here in in this place that I'll begin to learn, trust, discover and experience the strength and work of my Saviour. Jesus did not end his obligation to me on the cross. He did something far greater than that. He put Himself in me. Becoming my righteousness (1 Cor 1:30).

Finally I must look to His Word! Psalm 119:28; "strengthen me according to your word." For this will be my comfort. "Remember your word to your servant, for you have given me hope. My comfort in my suffering is this:Your promise preserves my life (Psalm 119:49-50)."

Hearing the opening lines of the poem, At the Gate of the Man of the Year by Minnie Louise Harkins:

" I said to the man who stood at the gate of the year; 'Give me a light that I may tread safely into the unknown.' And he replied,'Go into the darkness and put your hand into the hand of God; That shall be to you better than light and safer than a known way!' " Buried in a deep dark place I am reminded to trust God to guide my path.

"Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path... I have suffered much; preserve my life, O LORD, according to your word (Psalm 119:105,107)." I pray.

-Lloyd

What a month!

I was so looking forward to the Fifa World Cup 2010 in South Africa and it is no more. Where has all the time gone. Four years of waiting has flown by in an instant. Watching soccer 24/7 for a month was awesome. Now what do I do with myself?

Despite the drama, the heartbreaks, the controversies...

so proud to be South African. SA delivered the Fifa World Cup with flavor and style.

Looking forward to receiving a Vuvuzela in the mail :P!

What will the impact of World Cup2010 be? I don't know. I hope for a lasting and positive legacy for this beautiful country I call home.

So Five Years

If I were to sum up what I've learnt after 5 years in Canada in two words: God's providence.

I never knew 5 years on the depth of His Grace. Health, Should have been killed in a car accident, anxiety disorder...I thought many a time I've reached a breaking points and He is has shown me that all I need is Him. God alone is enough. I can rest in Him, knowing that whatever comes. He will get me through.

Psalm 73:25-26

"Whom have I in heaven but you?
And earth has nothing I desire besides you
My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strenght of my heart
and my portion forever."

-Lloyd